Fall is Here

<----- Adorable Cade playing in the leaves at preschool.


Fall is here and I just spent an amazing, rejuvenating weekend at the beach with Jamie and Laurice. The weather was perfection, the beach was deserted, and it was gorgeous all the way around. There is nothing better for the soul than a day watching the waves wash onto the shore and listening to the soothing sounds of the ocean.

Lessons in Army Life...

Every day since the last week of July, I have either been with Stewart or spent hours talking to or texting with him.

I have woken up smiling each one of these days, and gone to bed equally and consistently happy. I haven't had to guess or wonder about how he felt. I haven't had to make excuses. It feels like I have received an amazing and totally unexpected blessing having him in my life.

I spent last weekend in El Paso and we had a wonderful time. We hung out with friends, we ate out, we watched movies, we talked...we just spent time together and it was great. I was especially glad to have been able to go because for the next 2 weeks he will be out in the Field doing testing and other Army stuff. He will be home for 2 days, and then he will be back out for another 3 weeks. This means little or no contact for almost 5 whole weeks.

This sucks.

I haven't talked to him since Monday morning, right before I left. We made a kind of big deal admission to each other...and then he left and I left and that's been it.

Even though we weren't physically together all the time, we were 'together' anyways. I miss that. It's been 3 days, and I miss him like crazy.

And, I realize that this is my first real taste of Army life. Things like this happen. He will have to do this about 2 times a year. If-God forbid- he gets deployed, I am looking at a year without him. It's one of those things I have to deal with, and I understand that and support him...but, I don't have to like it. And perhaps selfishly, I don't. I miss 'Good Morning' and I miss 'Good Night' . I know he has it alot worse than I do right now, sleeping either in a tent or in his truck and eating field rations...but I'd happily go and sleep in a tent too, if it meant we could be together ;)

I just can't wait for him to get back...

Things that are just never ok to do...

There are two things that gross me out...I mean, really, truly gross me out.

#1: Used bandages.

#2: Toe nail clippings.


Seriously, seeing either of these things makes me want to vomit.

Well, good morning.
Apparently my boss is having a party tomorrow evening, and asked me if I would mind trying to keep the house as straightened up as possible this week in preparation for that. Well, sure...but shouldn't that apply to them as well? I walk in this morning and there is literally garbage everywhere. Dirty plates, empty wine bottles, food wrappers, etc. And being a hard worker and a trooper, I went to work trying to tidy up before the kids came downstairs.

That's when I saw it...sitting beside the couch on the end table, right next to a dirty wine glass, a bowl of pistachio shells, and a spoon, was a nice little pile of toe nail clippings. FOR REAL.

I gagged immediately, closed my eyes, backed out of the room and got myself a nice glass of cold water. WHO DOES THAT?! And more specifically, who does that knowing that someone else is most likely going to come into your house and see that you've done it? I sincerely hope they did not think I was going to clean them, because they will be lucky if I ever even go into that room again.

So that was the start of my morning. DISSSSSGUSTING.
Ugh.

With a heavy heart...

I just got back from El Paso...and I'll get to that.

But...this is first.

My friends had a baby last week, October 11th. A beautiful baby girl named Divya.
She weighed 6 lbs. and was 19.5 inches long.
She has a 5 year old big brother, who at first wanted a baby brother-until I told him a sister was better, because he would not have to share his 'boy toys' with her.

She passed away on the 14th.
It was unexpected, and there is no rhyme or reason as to why.
The assumption right now is that it was SIDS...not that is matters really, because it will not bring her back.

I did not get to meet her.
She will not celebrate her first birthday or Christmas or Halloween.
She will not wear all the tiny pink clothes that awaited her.
She will not fight with her big brother.

But she did feel love and I suppose that whatever the length of one's life is, that is the ultimate goal.

When things like this happen, I do not understand. I do not know what to say to the parents of this beautiful baby girl that anxiously awaited her arrival. I don't know how you move past this or feel better.

She lived for 3 days. I have to believe there is a reason for her short life in order to make sense of my own. I am going to try hard to remember when I am complaining about Monday's that this little girl never lived through one. I am going to try hard to remember when I am complaining about anything that her mom and dad have an empty crib and empty hearts.

Rest in peace, Divya.

So...

Here's what I love about my blog: not everyone on my facebook can read what I write here. So, with that in mind, let me just say (again)..

Oh my God! I do not, and I am sure 99% of the rest of your friends, do not give a SHIT about how many miles you ran today, yeseterday, and the day before. If you did a race, awesome, let us know, but if you are out doing 10 minute miles 6 days a week and you tell me about it every single one of them, all it serves to do is make me want to punch you in the face. I walk or run almost every day. Do you see me telling everyone every time I take a step? For fuck's sake.

And, ok, probably this is PMS talking...but holy hell, I don't care.

And honestly, that goes (again) for any redundant thing you do that you post about all the time.

This is my private service announcement for the day.

Well...

PMS sucks.

That's all I've got.

I'm currently Out of the Office...

"Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absent-minded. Someone sober will worry about events going badly. Let the lover be." Jalal Rumi

There are so few truly magical moments in life...I'm going to enjoy it. If something is wrong, I'm closed right now. I'm too busy falling in love.