Bleeding money...

This is the most stressful time of the year...waiting on those school loans and grants to kick in so I can return to my regularly scheduled life. Since I worked 75% less than usual this summer, I am pretty much screwed right now. There are things I need and things I want...and every penny is accounted for right now and there just are not enough pennies. This sucks.

I'm in a New York state of mind...

I'm going to New York in 18 days and meeting up with my lifelong friend Christina. I am, truth be told, high on this trip. I didn't realize how much I needed this adventure until the idea came up.

Everything fell into place. There is a rumor that Jeremy Renner is going to host the season premiere of SNL. I got to thinking how I was sure a piece of me might die if I didn't at least TRY to go. And then, I find out the family I work for is going to NYC that very weekend. And the wheels started turning. Within about an hour of this hitting my radar, Tina was on board, and by the evening, we had flights coming in and departing within a half hour of each other.

We are going to spend too much, eat too much, drink too much, stay up too late, and "find Fluffy". If you've ever seen Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, you know what I am talking about.

Here's the thing...my life used to be a hell of a lot more adventurous than it is now. And really, I want it this way. I LIKE it this way. But all through my 20's and early 30's, I had adventures every other weekend. I'd fly to Vegas, fly home for 3 days to do laundry, and fly right back for another week. I'd go to the coolest clubs in every city and pull up as Piddy Diddy was getting his car from valet. I'd go to NYC and fly home with a new wardrobe. I'd be at parties where my old roomie and I were literally the only non-famous people there. It was crazy. It was fun. It was my life. I don't miss it...but the adventures, the possibilities, every now and then I crave that. I get restless and obsessive if I don't have a "fix".

This trip to NYC...it's going to be amazing. It might be the the adventure to end all adventures...because if I get married soon, and have babies soon, then I know that my new adventures will be very different. And that's ok. I want that...but every now and then, I need to slip into that old Whit's shoes, and remember what she feels like and who she was for a long time.

September 14th needs to get here...I'm ready.

For Alix at 5

I feel like it was yesterday I was blogging about Alix turning 4, and here she is already turning 5! Whe has the year gone? Time is flying by so quickly and so much is changing.

This year, Alix became a big sister again in February. She moved from California back to Ohio...the 4th big move in her young life. She has grown even more into the beginning stages of becoming a young lady.

I love her, and Cade and Tatum, so much. I am so proud of them and incredibly blessed to be their Aunt and get to share in their lives. I am so excited to watch the woman she grows into and to see which direction her life will take her in. Actually, knowing Alix, it's more likely that she will be directing life ;)

I hope it's another happy birthday, the 5th of many...

We are just so lucky to have her!

American Reunion VS Bridesmaids

I have to admit, I kind of have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy. Words like penis, vagina, and fart almost always make me laugh (or at least internally snicker). I think gross things are amusing...so this morning when I watched American Reunion for the first time-the unedited version- I thought it was funny. And I thought of my brother watching it, because I knew my mom bought copies of it for us both. I knew he would like it too, but then a thought occurred to me. Neither he or his wife thought Bridesmaids was funny. I guess I can't comprehend how you can think the American Pie movies are funny but Bridesmaids isn't. They are pretty basically along he same lines...with two differences.

-1 Bridesmaids was actually a lot better, with some actual smart humor as opposed to just jokes and gags about sex and bodily function.
-2 Bridesmaids was about girls.

So, is that it? Are they discriminatory against women getting a laugh for being gross and sexual ? Is it funny for a guy to poop in a beer cooler, but not for a girl to poop in a sink? Is it funny for a guy to get sexually dissed by a girl that was supposed to be less than hot (she really was actually beautiful for the record...just not by Hollywood standards, I guess), but not funny for Kristen Wiig to fake orgasms with a jerk-off?

I don't know. It just kind of pissed me off,  because it seems clear to me that there is a gender stereotype they are perpetuating. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but seriously, if you didn't think Bridesmaids was any kind of funny, I think something in you is broken.

I could use some advice...

So, last night, as usual for a Thursday, my bosses were hammered. In the midst of the usual weekly conversation about how much they love me, they asked if I had health insurance. Well, of course I don't because you don't offer it and don't pay me enough to afford it.   And when I said no, I was told that they were going to seriously look into it for me...because they are in favor of Obamacare and want to put their money where their mouths are. Later in the conversation, they brought it up again...indicating that they were serious.

Today, they've apologized three times so far for how late they kept me and how drunk they were. I am afraid that they will either forget their promise or are bringing up how bad they were last night repeatedly to get themselves out of getting me health care. I am not going to let that happen.

Anyone have any suggestions on how to diplomatically bring this up and make sure it is addressed?

And...here's where things stand...and why I feel good.

I went to Texas last weekend. I needed to see Stewart, to spend some time with him, to talk to him...away from all the craziness and drama that has surrounded things all summer. I wasn't sure what to expect, but in all honesty my expectations were not high.

Because you can't have overnight guests at the barracks, I always stay at the same hotel when I visit. Because my flight was coming in late, I booked it under his name and told him to check in and wait for me there. I can literally walk there from the airport in less than 5 minutes, and I figured he'd be tired. I was expecting him to take me up on that and to likely be asleep by the time I got there. Instead, I was pleasantly surprised to find him waiting for me at the airport...he was tired, he was sick with a bad cold, but instead of going and waiting in a comfy bed, he met me.  I also ate at the Dallas airport because again, I assumed he'd have eaten dinner without me. He didn't. He waited and took me to Applebee's. I was sort of astonished, and didn't admit to having already eaten. It was our 1 year anniversary too...and he said we'd celebrate during the weekend because it was so late.

And we did. We got ice cream, we had a nice dinner, he gave me a card sweeter than I would have assumed him capable of. But best of all, we talked more, about what some of the issues are/have been...and he listens to me, and is receptive, and really seems to be trying. While he's not perfect ( and neither am I, lol) he is making an effort, and really that's all I can ask.

I had a kind of secret bad attitude about the weekend, like maybe it was that John Mayer song, "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room".  I'd look out the window of the car and think, this will be the last time I am ever in El Paso. But then I'd look at my boyfriend...and realize that that in spite of everything, I love him. In spite of everything, he loves me. In spite of everything, I would be broken hearted if this man were not in my life. He's maybe an idiot, but he's MY idiot...and those rare sweet things he unexpectedly says, or the way he just puts his arm out when we are next to each other and waits for me to snuggle in, or the way he shakes his head and says 'yep' when it gets close to time for me to leave and neither of us know what to say...I love those things.

I want to fix this. I want to continue to work on myself and in turn, work on the relationship we have built. Relationships are not easy, neat, or perfect. They are hard and messy sometimes. They will drive you crazy, as he often does, and I'm sure as I often do to him in turn. But what I have taken out of this is that faced with so many opportunities to walk away, I have decided to stay, because I WANT to. Faced with the idea that there truly are more possibilities out there than I ever let myself realize before, I still want him over and above any of that.

I know it's a journey before us...any relationship is. But if I'm committing to taking it together, and working on it together, and he is...and we are both committed to working on our own issues for the greater good of us together, than this is going to be ok.

I am not stupid. I am not blind. My dad broke his engagement to my mom on her birthday. They were apart for two years before getting back together. I don't know that I'd have given him another chance, but she did. And  they have been happily married for going on 40 years. Everyone makes mistakes. Not everyone is worth a second chance. But this idiot that I love is.

And that makes me feel better than I've felt all summer.