Ahhh, vacation...and trying to relax...but how do you relax when you have so much on your mind?
Big decisions to make, problems to solve, and I can't really do anything about any of it right now. And in light of that, I am taking it day by day here and trying to enjoy my family and friends.
I had a great time yesterday catching up with my college friend Becky...I didn't realize how much I've missed her!
Hanging out with my aunt and cousins has been wonderful too. I think I see more of all of them since not living here, lol. And I especially grateful that after so many wasted years, my cousin Mary and her family are now in the 'inner circle' LOL. I wish more people understood how precious life is, and how things can change so quickly, that it just isn't worth shutting people you care about out of your life.
And the biggest lesson I am trying to teach myself is that life IS too short...too short to be pissed off, too short to be stubborn, too short to continue to be in situations that are toxic and unhealthy. I am also SO grateful to Ms. J for giving me an opportunity to get out of one of those situations...and I am also grateful to my friends that keep giving me shit about making that change.
Other than that, I hope I can solve everything and figure it all out, sooner rather than later. I hope everyone is healthy and happy. I also hope I win the lotto this week... ;)
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Sometimes...
Sometimes, I really wished I had the ability to just say what was on my mind, and not give a fuck.
Alas, I do not...and that's probably a good thing.
We are going to go to a movie this morning, and then tonight we are going to celebrate Aunt Sybil's birthday...and I'm sure I'll write and rewrite letters in my head all day long.
Either way, I'm going to have a good day. Because nothing and no one is worth ruining a whole day for.
Alas, I do not...and that's probably a good thing.
We are going to go to a movie this morning, and then tonight we are going to celebrate Aunt Sybil's birthday...and I'm sure I'll write and rewrite letters in my head all day long.
Either way, I'm going to have a good day. Because nothing and no one is worth ruining a whole day for.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Compliments of Christina...
Christina posted this on my facebook and I had to share...
I didn't think the Harry Potter movies could get any better, but this faux trailer is awesome!
http://jezebel.com/5824854/the-harry-potter-teen-rom+com
Ahhh, if only...
A little piece of my heart will always belong to Ron Weasley ;)
I didn't think the Harry Potter movies could get any better, but this faux trailer is awesome!
http://jezebel.com/5824854/the-harry-potter-teen-rom+com
Ahhh, if only...
A little piece of my heart will always belong to Ron Weasley ;)
Things that make you go hmmmm....
So, one of the drawbacks of social networking is that it's obviously sort of hard to keep secrets...
When I first moved to FL 12 or 13 years ago, I could come home to visit relatively under the radar. If I wanted to see someone, I'd call them. Sometimes, I was only here for a few days. Sometimes, it was the holidays and I was bogged down with family stuff. Sometimes, in all honesty, I was coming here for an escape from being social and I just wanted to lay on my parent's couch and eat cereal out of the Cookie Monster bowl while I watched Nickelodeon. Don't judge.
Now though, with facebook and twitter and whatever else, everyone knows when I am home. For the most part, this is great. I have been afforded some longer trips lately, and I LOVE catching up with the girls or having a drink with some of the guys that I love and miss.
It's things like what happened last night that make me miss the anonymity, LOL.
As back story, there is a guy I have known more than 20 years (Michelle, Becky, Kim...if you are reading this you will know who I am talking about)...as a friend and nothing more. As a matter of fact, in high school, I actually messed around with his BROTHER for awhile. Me, and every other girl within a 45 mile radius of Detroit...but I digress. So when I was visiting MI in February, he and I ended up going out for drinks one night. He's a local television personality, so a bunch of girls in the bar were seeming kind of nosy. Well, to him anyways. They asked him for a pic, big whoop, and so he decided going back to his place was the way to finish out the evening.
Are you all shaking your heads yet? Do you see where this is going? Do you see how naive I am? LOL
To make a long story short, I told him flat out in these exact words, "Fine, but I'm telling you, I am NOT having sex with you."
And I didn't. Despite the fact that he put a porn movie on, tried to ply me with Bo Schembechler wine, and excitedly pointed out that his bathroom had red lights in it. Because I am NOT a porn star myself, lol. I won't even get into what else he tried enticing me with.
Last time I was here, he utilized a steady stream of text messages to try to get me to come back over for a do-over. I told him I was having a girls night with my friends and he told me to bring one of them with me. I told him I had developed feelings for someone and there was just no way I was going to mess around on him. He told me my timing sucked.
Here I am, a month later, back again.
And last night, I get a text..."u in town? what u doing tonight?"
Fuck.
"Girl's night." On the couch, watching Tosh.0 with my mom and Brennan. But he doesn't need to know that LOL.
"Let's hang."
"Maybe we can have a drink while I am in town." This means two things...MAYBE and IF I decide to see you, it means A DRINK, in a PUBLIC PLACE.
"Awesome. Call me later if you need a booty call."
"ok."
"Make it happen."
WTF?
First of all, if a month ago I said I wasn't going to sleep with you because I had feelings for someone, what makes you think that that has changed? Regardless of if it has or not, he would have no way of knowing...so right there, you're disrespecting some other guy, and you're disrespecting me because I told you it wasn't happening. Second of all, I'm not 23 and you haven't picked me up at the club with the express purpose of taking me home, fucking me, and sending me on my way as soon as we finish. Do NOT insult me with the term "booty call", whether that is what it is or not. Third of all, the last time I was with you, you told me you had gained so much weight and that you had peaked in high school, and the days where you could get any girl had passed you by....except for girls that want you because you are on tv. Um, ok...so what is that supposed to say about me? Your days of getting any girl that really wants you are over, so...? Fourth of all, telling me that you have wanted me since you were 12 and used to sit on my bed and watch me sleep just really creeped me out. If you were Edward in Twilight, maybe...but you aren't.
So yeah, tonight, I'm going to lay on my mom's couch, with the Cookie Monster bowl, and probably turn my phone off, just in case.
When I first moved to FL 12 or 13 years ago, I could come home to visit relatively under the radar. If I wanted to see someone, I'd call them. Sometimes, I was only here for a few days. Sometimes, it was the holidays and I was bogged down with family stuff. Sometimes, in all honesty, I was coming here for an escape from being social and I just wanted to lay on my parent's couch and eat cereal out of the Cookie Monster bowl while I watched Nickelodeon. Don't judge.
Now though, with facebook and twitter and whatever else, everyone knows when I am home. For the most part, this is great. I have been afforded some longer trips lately, and I LOVE catching up with the girls or having a drink with some of the guys that I love and miss.
It's things like what happened last night that make me miss the anonymity, LOL.
As back story, there is a guy I have known more than 20 years (Michelle, Becky, Kim...if you are reading this you will know who I am talking about)...as a friend and nothing more. As a matter of fact, in high school, I actually messed around with his BROTHER for awhile. Me, and every other girl within a 45 mile radius of Detroit...but I digress. So when I was visiting MI in February, he and I ended up going out for drinks one night. He's a local television personality, so a bunch of girls in the bar were seeming kind of nosy. Well, to him anyways. They asked him for a pic, big whoop, and so he decided going back to his place was the way to finish out the evening.
Are you all shaking your heads yet? Do you see where this is going? Do you see how naive I am? LOL
To make a long story short, I told him flat out in these exact words, "Fine, but I'm telling you, I am NOT having sex with you."
And I didn't. Despite the fact that he put a porn movie on, tried to ply me with Bo Schembechler wine, and excitedly pointed out that his bathroom had red lights in it. Because I am NOT a porn star myself, lol. I won't even get into what else he tried enticing me with.
Last time I was here, he utilized a steady stream of text messages to try to get me to come back over for a do-over. I told him I was having a girls night with my friends and he told me to bring one of them with me. I told him I had developed feelings for someone and there was just no way I was going to mess around on him. He told me my timing sucked.
Here I am, a month later, back again.
And last night, I get a text..."u in town? what u doing tonight?"
Fuck.
"Girl's night." On the couch, watching Tosh.0 with my mom and Brennan. But he doesn't need to know that LOL.
"Let's hang."
"Maybe we can have a drink while I am in town." This means two things...MAYBE and IF I decide to see you, it means A DRINK, in a PUBLIC PLACE.
"Awesome. Call me later if you need a booty call."
"ok."
"Make it happen."
WTF?
First of all, if a month ago I said I wasn't going to sleep with you because I had feelings for someone, what makes you think that that has changed? Regardless of if it has or not, he would have no way of knowing...so right there, you're disrespecting some other guy, and you're disrespecting me because I told you it wasn't happening. Second of all, I'm not 23 and you haven't picked me up at the club with the express purpose of taking me home, fucking me, and sending me on my way as soon as we finish. Do NOT insult me with the term "booty call", whether that is what it is or not. Third of all, the last time I was with you, you told me you had gained so much weight and that you had peaked in high school, and the days where you could get any girl had passed you by....except for girls that want you because you are on tv. Um, ok...so what is that supposed to say about me? Your days of getting any girl that really wants you are over, so...? Fourth of all, telling me that you have wanted me since you were 12 and used to sit on my bed and watch me sleep just really creeped me out. If you were Edward in Twilight, maybe...but you aren't.
So yeah, tonight, I'm going to lay on my mom's couch, with the Cookie Monster bowl, and probably turn my phone off, just in case.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Comic-Con
Comic-Con...I get it. I do. I'm a Harry Potter nerd, so I understand. Whatever floats your boat, I'm not hating on. I own a Gryffindor scarf. I own several Ron Weasley t-shirts. I have a wand...that I got at Ollivander's. I'm not wearing any of this on an every day basis, mind you, but I have it and I love it.
That being said...WTF is with the lingerie-clad Darth Vader? I'm even thinking (horrifyingly) that I see the vague tops of that woman's nipples. It is a woman, right? To each his own and creativity is awesome...but I'm pretty sure that Darth Vader would never have gone out in public dressed as a French Maid. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure there were NO French Maids anywhere near the Death Star. Am I missing some understood rule of Comic-Con that makes this ok? Because if the people watching is this good, count me in for next year. I might even bring my wand... ;)
Today I want to go here:
http://marvin3m.com/
Marvin's Marvelous Mechanical Museum.
First of all, this is the coolest place ever, and you KNOW it HAS to be cool because Eminem had a birthday party here...a few years ago, as an adult. It has the old animated Chuck E. Cheese people, before they made Chuck E. into a gold chain wearing rapper (at least that's what they did at Chuck E. Cheese where I live)...and they ACTUALLY SING.
It has crazy games and stuff in every single corner. It's the most overwhelming place because there is no break from stimulation...color, sound, lights...but in a GOOD way.
It's the place you go when you tell someone you are taking them somewhere awesome, but it's a surprise, because you can't possibly explain this place to someone who has never been there.
So, I am going to see if I can rouse my mom out of bed, see if Michelle and Evan are busy, and have a makeshift roadtrip out to visit Marvin ;) And if that doesn't work out today, I'll try again tomorrow!
Marvin's Marvelous Mechanical Museum.
First of all, this is the coolest place ever, and you KNOW it HAS to be cool because Eminem had a birthday party here...a few years ago, as an adult. It has the old animated Chuck E. Cheese people, before they made Chuck E. into a gold chain wearing rapper (at least that's what they did at Chuck E. Cheese where I live)...and they ACTUALLY SING.
It has crazy games and stuff in every single corner. It's the most overwhelming place because there is no break from stimulation...color, sound, lights...but in a GOOD way.
It's the place you go when you tell someone you are taking them somewhere awesome, but it's a surprise, because you can't possibly explain this place to someone who has never been there.
So, I am going to see if I can rouse my mom out of bed, see if Michelle and Evan are busy, and have a makeshift roadtrip out to visit Marvin ;) And if that doesn't work out today, I'll try again tomorrow!
Monday, July 25, 2011
I actually had the longest conversation with my cousin tonight that I think I've had in my entire life.
Amazingly, we all of a sudden have something in common. This is unfortunate because it's something that sucks. But despite that, it was nice to talk...and feel like we understood each other.
Other than that, it was a nice night. Dad played with Oscar (my aunt's dog) and told inappropriate stories all evening. We sang happy birthday to my cousin who blew out candles placed in a bowl of whipped cream (he doesn't like cake). My uncle pulled out vacation pictures (my cue to head outside).
I love my family :)
Amazingly, we all of a sudden have something in common. This is unfortunate because it's something that sucks. But despite that, it was nice to talk...and feel like we understood each other.
Other than that, it was a nice night. Dad played with Oscar (my aunt's dog) and told inappropriate stories all evening. We sang happy birthday to my cousin who blew out candles placed in a bowl of whipped cream (he doesn't like cake). My uncle pulled out vacation pictures (my cue to head outside).
I love my family :)
It's so nice to be home...
I've been in Michigan like 24 hours. I made an amazing dinner last night...fell asleep on the couch watching tv with my mom...and woke up after 10am.
My mom and I met Michelle and Evan for lunch today where I had 5 (I'm not even kidding) pieces of the most delicious square pizza. Florida does NOT know how to make pizza like they do in D. Then mom and I got pedicures and now we are getting ready to head out for family dinner at my cousin Angela's house.
I don't have to drive anywhere. I don't have to do anything. Everyone is bugging me to move back. In light of the last few months, that isn't as unappealing of an option as it once was...but, I'm not done with FL. You all have some nice weather going on now, but I know it's a tease and I've lived through more Michigan winters than I cared to. But keep asking...maybe one day I'll change my mind.
My mom and I met Michelle and Evan for lunch today where I had 5 (I'm not even kidding) pieces of the most delicious square pizza. Florida does NOT know how to make pizza like they do in D. Then mom and I got pedicures and now we are getting ready to head out for family dinner at my cousin Angela's house.
I don't have to drive anywhere. I don't have to do anything. Everyone is bugging me to move back. In light of the last few months, that isn't as unappealing of an option as it once was...but, I'm not done with FL. You all have some nice weather going on now, but I know it's a tease and I've lived through more Michigan winters than I cared to. But keep asking...maybe one day I'll change my mind.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Donnie Wahlberg from last night...
For your amusement (and mine)...pardon my awesome videographer skills, lol...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amahCaAHgn4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amahCaAHgn4
Ahhh, Jordan Knight...
So the afterparty...
First, the people watching alone was enough to have made it worth going.
There were definitely several women there that were as old as my mom, a few that were definitely older...and they were rocking NKOTB shirts and enough makeup to rival Carrot Top.
There was one woman who was wearing a prom/bridesmaid dress of turquoise satin. I looked at Ms. J and said, "You know how they said she could wear that bridesmaid dress again? This is the again."
There was one woman that had taken her hair styling cue from The Bride of Frankenstein.
It was a super fun ecclectic mix of people.
BoyzIIMen showed up, Jordan sang, Donnie sang...it was crazy.
And oh yeah...Jordan held my hand for about 5 minutes. For like, no reason. He was talking to me, and then he was talking to a photographer and he just reached back and grabbed my hand and yeah, the 13 year old in me pretty much passed out. Excellent that I am 34 and can control her ;) What I can't control is my impatience to see what the photographer captured.
The best part of the night (and no, Ms. J, it wasn't even that Donnie kiss, although...lol) was that we had SO MUCH FUN. It was hot. It was crowded. It was late. I was hungry. And all we did was laugh...AND we even topped it off with a Deluxe Big Breakfast, which makes any night's end epic in my book.
I'm pretty sure Ms. J and I both went to bed pushing 6am...me dreaming of Jordan holding my hand, her dreaming of Jordan rubbing her back...and feeling like adolescents again, if only for the night.
:)
First, the people watching alone was enough to have made it worth going.
There were definitely several women there that were as old as my mom, a few that were definitely older...and they were rocking NKOTB shirts and enough makeup to rival Carrot Top.
There was one woman who was wearing a prom/bridesmaid dress of turquoise satin. I looked at Ms. J and said, "You know how they said she could wear that bridesmaid dress again? This is the again."
There was one woman that had taken her hair styling cue from The Bride of Frankenstein.
It was a super fun ecclectic mix of people.
BoyzIIMen showed up, Jordan sang, Donnie sang...it was crazy.
And oh yeah...Jordan held my hand for about 5 minutes. For like, no reason. He was talking to me, and then he was talking to a photographer and he just reached back and grabbed my hand and yeah, the 13 year old in me pretty much passed out. Excellent that I am 34 and can control her ;) What I can't control is my impatience to see what the photographer captured.
The best part of the night (and no, Ms. J, it wasn't even that Donnie kiss, although...lol) was that we had SO MUCH FUN. It was hot. It was crowded. It was late. I was hungry. And all we did was laugh...AND we even topped it off with a Deluxe Big Breakfast, which makes any night's end epic in my book.
I'm pretty sure Ms. J and I both went to bed pushing 6am...me dreaming of Jordan holding my hand, her dreaming of Jordan rubbing her back...and feeling like adolescents again, if only for the night.
:)
So it's 5:30 in the morning...
And I'm just getting home.
I'm too tired and too giddy to get into now...that will be for when I wake up. But let's just say, any night that starts with Jordan Knight and ends with a Deluxe Big Breakfast at 5:30am is pretty damn close to perfect.
Happy girl...going to bed.
I'm too tired and too giddy to get into now...that will be for when I wake up. But let's just say, any night that starts with Jordan Knight and ends with a Deluxe Big Breakfast at 5:30am is pretty damn close to perfect.
Happy girl...going to bed.
Friday, July 22, 2011
I have a feeling...
That tonight is going to be epic.
I can't wait. I mean, I have SO much to do today and I feel like it's going to simultaneously drag on forever and go at warp speed at the same time. I honestly ought to still be sleeping...but who can sleep?
I am so thankful for this distraction, taking my mind off (mostly) the other (more pressing) things I ought to be worrying about. There's tomorrow for that.
Today, well today is NKOTBSB day. Don't judge. Allow me my excitement ;)
I can't wait. I mean, I have SO much to do today and I feel like it's going to simultaneously drag on forever and go at warp speed at the same time. I honestly ought to still be sleeping...but who can sleep?
I am so thankful for this distraction, taking my mind off (mostly) the other (more pressing) things I ought to be worrying about. There's tomorrow for that.
Today, well today is NKOTBSB day. Don't judge. Allow me my excitement ;)
Thursday, July 21, 2011
And in better news...
PLEASE keep your fingers crossed for me...
I may not have to have surgery on my eye after all! I've been putting it off and putting it off and that may have paid off...
Let's hope!
I may not have to have surgery on my eye after all! I've been putting it off and putting it off and that may have paid off...
Let's hope!
Today I saw a quote that said:
"It's amazing when two strangers become best friends, and sad when two best friends become strangers."
I've kind of had both of those things happen recently, so I relate.
You know, it's one thing when time and distance and life experience slowly draw you apart...and even then, when circumstances are right, you can come back into each other's lives and pick up right where you left off. But when it's just hurt feelings, and miscommunication, and bitterness, and anger, there is no painless way to drift apart.
Even when you know it's for the best, for both of you, it's still sad.
"It's amazing when two strangers become best friends, and sad when two best friends become strangers."
I've kind of had both of those things happen recently, so I relate.
You know, it's one thing when time and distance and life experience slowly draw you apart...and even then, when circumstances are right, you can come back into each other's lives and pick up right where you left off. But when it's just hurt feelings, and miscommunication, and bitterness, and anger, there is no painless way to drift apart.
Even when you know it's for the best, for both of you, it's still sad.
Dear Universe...
Although you have now given one more tiny thing to stress about...THANK YOU for putting the opportunity in front of me to be the happiest girl in Orlando tomorrow night.
Even though you have thrown me some wicked curve balls lately, you always seem to come through for the things that will make me the happiest...even if they are stupid things.
You have NO idea how much I need this do-over...and no idea how much I needed the feeling of idiotic euphoria is I am currently experiencing.
Sincerely,
Me
Even though you have thrown me some wicked curve balls lately, you always seem to come through for the things that will make me the happiest...even if they are stupid things.
You have NO idea how much I need this do-over...and no idea how much I needed the feeling of idiotic euphoria is I am currently experiencing.
Sincerely,
Me
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
I won a VIP pass to see Debbie Gibson perform on GMA.
If I was 12, I'd have passed out.
I love me some Debbie Gibson... and she will always remind me of the huge fight BFF and I got into when we were in like 6th or 7th grade.
We used to ride our bikes up to the store, pool our money and buy Bop and Tutti Frutti and Teen Beat. Then, we'd go home and divide up the pin-ups. Kirk Cameron for BFF...Debbie Gibson for me. Until this one unfortunate afternoon when the Kirk Cameron pic was on the flip side of the Debbie Gibson pic. She wanted it. I wanted it. She won.
And we didn't talk for 3 miserable summer days. On the third, I was gone for the day and when I got home, the pin-up was on my front door with a note..."Kirk Cameron is not worth our friendship..." I STILL have that picture 22 years later...and we STILL have our friendship.
:)
If I was 12, I'd have passed out.
I love me some Debbie Gibson... and she will always remind me of the huge fight BFF and I got into when we were in like 6th or 7th grade.
We used to ride our bikes up to the store, pool our money and buy Bop and Tutti Frutti and Teen Beat. Then, we'd go home and divide up the pin-ups. Kirk Cameron for BFF...Debbie Gibson for me. Until this one unfortunate afternoon when the Kirk Cameron pic was on the flip side of the Debbie Gibson pic. She wanted it. I wanted it. She won.
And we didn't talk for 3 miserable summer days. On the third, I was gone for the day and when I got home, the pin-up was on my front door with a note..."Kirk Cameron is not worth our friendship..." I STILL have that picture 22 years later...and we STILL have our friendship.
:)
Recharging my batteries...
I'm looking forward to 2 weeks at home...
I'm looking forward to no alarm clocks...
I'm looking forward to my mom taking care of me...
I'm looking forward to hanging out with my MI friends that I don't get to see enough of...
I'm looking forward to laying on the couch and no one bothering me...
I'm looking forward to celebrating Aunt Sybil's birthday with my family...even though she isn't with us, we can still celebrate her.
Mostly, I am looking forward to clearing my head...and the best place to do that is somewhere where there are no other distractions.
I'm going to really miss BGF, and Ms. J, and Ms. K...but of course, I'm sure I'll have plenty of stories when I get back.
I'm looking forward to no alarm clocks...
I'm looking forward to my mom taking care of me...
I'm looking forward to hanging out with my MI friends that I don't get to see enough of...
I'm looking forward to laying on the couch and no one bothering me...
I'm looking forward to celebrating Aunt Sybil's birthday with my family...even though she isn't with us, we can still celebrate her.
Mostly, I am looking forward to clearing my head...and the best place to do that is somewhere where there are no other distractions.
I'm going to really miss BGF, and Ms. J, and Ms. K...but of course, I'm sure I'll have plenty of stories when I get back.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Something to consider this morning...
I once told Ms. K that you "...can't argue logic with illogical people."
That holds true. But be that as it may, it doesn't stop people from trying. If nine people see the glass as half full, they are all going to try to convince the tenth that it isn't half empty...and it isn't going to work. People just view the world in different ways and that is part of what makes life so interesting. Of course, that is until something happens that just makes you almost question everything you think and believe.
When you are a child, you view yourself as the center of the universe, because, in a way, you are. You are the most important person to your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. They care about you and love you and make you feel safe and valued. They are the first people that teach you that you have worth, they teach you how people should treat you, they teach you that you can stop a room with your smile, that you can be praised for the simplest acts, that you are a wonderful, special human being. At least, that is if they did their job right.
But as you grow older, you understand that these are guidelines for life and not your universal right. As a child, you have that love because you are a child that needs to be cared for. As you get older, you should realize that you earn this love from other people by how YOU in turn treat them. As an adult, you are no longer the center of the universe, you are just an important part of it...and that ought to be enough. As you get older, you should realize that the things you do and say have an impact on other people. That means that to be a good person, you have to be self-aware. You have to know that the things you do and say mean something to the people in your life, whether they are good or bad.
Everyone makes mistakes, screws up, hurts someone at some point...
Everyone fixes a problem. helps someone, and loves someone at some point...
I guess the trick is, at the end of the day, make sure you have fixed more than you've broken...helped more than you've hurt...and loved more than you've hated.
It's something to think about.
That holds true. But be that as it may, it doesn't stop people from trying. If nine people see the glass as half full, they are all going to try to convince the tenth that it isn't half empty...and it isn't going to work. People just view the world in different ways and that is part of what makes life so interesting. Of course, that is until something happens that just makes you almost question everything you think and believe.
When you are a child, you view yourself as the center of the universe, because, in a way, you are. You are the most important person to your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. They care about you and love you and make you feel safe and valued. They are the first people that teach you that you have worth, they teach you how people should treat you, they teach you that you can stop a room with your smile, that you can be praised for the simplest acts, that you are a wonderful, special human being. At least, that is if they did their job right.
But as you grow older, you understand that these are guidelines for life and not your universal right. As a child, you have that love because you are a child that needs to be cared for. As you get older, you should realize that you earn this love from other people by how YOU in turn treat them. As an adult, you are no longer the center of the universe, you are just an important part of it...and that ought to be enough. As you get older, you should realize that the things you do and say have an impact on other people. That means that to be a good person, you have to be self-aware. You have to know that the things you do and say mean something to the people in your life, whether they are good or bad.
Everyone makes mistakes, screws up, hurts someone at some point...
Everyone fixes a problem. helps someone, and loves someone at some point...
I guess the trick is, at the end of the day, make sure you have fixed more than you've broken...helped more than you've hurt...and loved more than you've hated.
It's something to think about.
Monday, July 18, 2011
More awesome advice...
And in fitting with Ms. J's awesome advice, this seemed like some pretty good stuff too :)
http://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/0408/unhealthy-things-you-should-stop-saying-now.aspx
Sometimes there's some profound stuff on Twitter...
Via ShitMyDadSays :
"He's nice now, but he WAS an asshole. Just 'cause a piece of shit dries up and stops smelling, doesn't mean it's not still a piece of shit."
Indeed.
"He's nice now, but he WAS an asshole. Just 'cause a piece of shit dries up and stops smelling, doesn't mean it's not still a piece of shit."
Indeed.
Late night wisdom from the amazing Ms. J...
Ms. J has been trying to convince me to remove someone from my life...I shouldn't even say convince, because I don't need convincing, I know she's right, lol...but I've been dragging my feet a bit. Partly because I have that disease where you keep looking for and expecting the best to come out of people, even when they have shown that clearly there is no 'best' in them to wait for. Partly because I hate the finality of things...once it's done, it's done.
So last night, she gave me 10 reasons (and even a bonus 11th) why I need to do this. I need to share a couple highlights with you, because she is amazing and right and because these are things that everyone needs to hear sometimes. I hope she doesn't mind my sharing of her wisdom and insight...
- "You should never settle for people in your life who do not add to it in a positive, healthy way. People should challenge you, not hurt you."
-"Never ever ever allow someone to make you feel like you aren't worth their honesty."
-"You teach people how to treat you. But most importantly you teach yourself how to let other people treat you. You have gotten into the very unfortunate habit of letting people treat you like you are less than a person. Almost like a commodity that can be bought and sold by the giving or withholding of attention. You, my dear, are not a commodity. You a person, with feelings. Who deserves attention. But the RIGHT kind of attention. The kind of attention that is given because you are awesome and special and caring and kind. The kind of attention that comes with love. Like that you get from your parents, or from BGF, or even me. You teach people how to treat you including teaching yourself how to treat you. I'm not talking about loving yourself before you can love others, blah blah blah...I'm talking about remembering to give yourself the basic human respect you would give anyone else. Do not teach yourself that the way this person is treating you is ok. Do not teach that person that they way they are treating you is ok. Do not teach yourself that the way YOU are treating you is ok. It's not. On any of those accounts."
-"This person adds no value to your life. They have no redeeming qualities. None. Not one. Not a single one at all. There is nothing good about this person. At all. Good people don't do these things. I don't give a fuck if they help old ladies cross the street and saves puppies from burning houses. They're still not a good person. Things that don't add value to your life...they need to go."
I saved the entire list so that I can refer back to it when I am tempted (as I will be) to settle for less than I deserve as a person. I am so appreciative of her taking the time (and getting thumb cramps ;) to remind me of all of this.
So last night, she gave me 10 reasons (and even a bonus 11th) why I need to do this. I need to share a couple highlights with you, because she is amazing and right and because these are things that everyone needs to hear sometimes. I hope she doesn't mind my sharing of her wisdom and insight...
- "You should never settle for people in your life who do not add to it in a positive, healthy way. People should challenge you, not hurt you."
-"Never ever ever allow someone to make you feel like you aren't worth their honesty."
-"You teach people how to treat you. But most importantly you teach yourself how to let other people treat you. You have gotten into the very unfortunate habit of letting people treat you like you are less than a person. Almost like a commodity that can be bought and sold by the giving or withholding of attention. You, my dear, are not a commodity. You a person, with feelings. Who deserves attention. But the RIGHT kind of attention. The kind of attention that is given because you are awesome and special and caring and kind. The kind of attention that comes with love. Like that you get from your parents, or from BGF, or even me. You teach people how to treat you including teaching yourself how to treat you. I'm not talking about loving yourself before you can love others, blah blah blah...I'm talking about remembering to give yourself the basic human respect you would give anyone else. Do not teach yourself that the way this person is treating you is ok. Do not teach that person that they way they are treating you is ok. Do not teach yourself that the way YOU are treating you is ok. It's not. On any of those accounts."
-"This person adds no value to your life. They have no redeeming qualities. None. Not one. Not a single one at all. There is nothing good about this person. At all. Good people don't do these things. I don't give a fuck if they help old ladies cross the street and saves puppies from burning houses. They're still not a good person. Things that don't add value to your life...they need to go."
I saved the entire list so that I can refer back to it when I am tempted (as I will be) to settle for less than I deserve as a person. I am so appreciative of her taking the time (and getting thumb cramps ;) to remind me of all of this.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
We are NOT together!
This weekend started out with an awesome night seeing Harry Potter with my new favorite person, Ms. J and culminated in dinner with BGF, where I was told that I need to stop wearing "boobie shirts" when we go out. Apparently, a "boobie shirt" indicates ownership of a man and clearly that is not the case, LOL. I assured him I would order myself a couple of unflattering sack dresses or make us a pair of t-shirts that say "We aren't together". He said it would be easier to explain if we were actually related...so I said I'd ask his parents to adopt me if it would make him feel better. Apart from that...dinner was awesome. Baked Manchego cheese appetizer and s'mores for dessert. Any dinner that contains both cheese and chocolate in some way is perfect in my book.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Good Morning!
Yesterday was not the best day.
You know that feeling where 386 things pile up on you at once and you just kind of sit back and say, 'Ok, what the fuck is going on? I can't solve one problem because I wouldn't even know where to start.' Where things are kicking you from every angle and pulling you in 20 different directions and you finally, sort of defeated, just think, WHITE FLAG! WHITE FLAG! I give up.
Yeah, that was yesterday. During the day anyways.
And then, in the evening, I met up with the wonderful Ms.J and we had a great time seeing Harry Potter. We had pizza, and curly fries, and popcorn, and peanut mnm's...and I even had a cherry slurpee. We had fun and conversation.
I talked to my mom, to BFF, to BGF...
How bad can life really be when you are surrounded by so many awesome people?
Today, I am going to do some D & G work. I am going to do some work on the new project BFF and I are in the early stages of. I'm going to watch tv. I going to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. Most importantly, I am going to keep reminding myself that if something is screwed up once, it's a mistake. Twice, it's a choice.
Have an awesome weekend, everyone :)
You know that feeling where 386 things pile up on you at once and you just kind of sit back and say, 'Ok, what the fuck is going on? I can't solve one problem because I wouldn't even know where to start.' Where things are kicking you from every angle and pulling you in 20 different directions and you finally, sort of defeated, just think, WHITE FLAG! WHITE FLAG! I give up.
Yeah, that was yesterday. During the day anyways.
And then, in the evening, I met up with the wonderful Ms.J and we had a great time seeing Harry Potter. We had pizza, and curly fries, and popcorn, and peanut mnm's...and I even had a cherry slurpee. We had fun and conversation.
I talked to my mom, to BFF, to BGF...
How bad can life really be when you are surrounded by so many awesome people?
Today, I am going to do some D & G work. I am going to do some work on the new project BFF and I are in the early stages of. I'm going to watch tv. I going to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. Most importantly, I am going to keep reminding myself that if something is screwed up once, it's a mistake. Twice, it's a choice.
Have an awesome weekend, everyone :)
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
24 hours till Weasley time... ;)
Oh, so much to say right now...but I'm going to hold off...because it's almost Harry Potter night!
I absolutely cannot wait!!!
I absolutely cannot wait!!!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
I'm eating ice cream for dinner...
You know that ice cream for dinner equals one of two things- either a really good day or a really bad day. I'd love to say it was a really good day. Actually, now that I'm eating ice cream, it's getting better....but I digress...
Today started out with having to be at work before 7am so my boss could work out. Really? Because at that time of day I like to be SLEEPING. It's ok though, I thought, because the kids never get up before 8am, and even then, it's a fight. I figured I'd show up and nap for a half hour, since I spent an hour in the middle of the night fighting with Memphis (who won, by the way, but that's a whole other story). But guess what? Both kids were up and dressed ON THEIR OWN by 7. It must be my lucky day.
Then Jessica, who is 8 and also obsessed with my romantic status, said, "My mom was married and had me by the time she was your age. Why don't you want to get married?" I've never wanted to punch an 8 year old more. "Did I say that Jessica?" I asked grimly.
"No."
"Then why are you asking me. Eat your breakfast."
"Well maybe when I have kids you can be their nanny too."
OH MY GOD.
The day continues with me being designated dumbass and having to watch SIX...yes, SIX...kids all afternoon. 4 five year old boys and 2 eight year old girls. It's like 1000 degrees here and I sat in the sweltering heat watching them swim for 4 hours...of course that was in between the fighting, crying, dropping pizza and wrestling it from the dog, baking MORE pizza, icing the fat lip Dylan got when his friend punched him for not sharing the water gun, and then trying to sort out who's Batman underwear were who's.
Actually, this all was about to make my head explode 2 hours ago, but now that I've had an ice cream sundae in my happy plastic monkey bowl I feel much better.
I'm going to put on my pj's, pop in a dvd, and enjoy the thunderstorms ;)
Today started out with having to be at work before 7am so my boss could work out. Really? Because at that time of day I like to be SLEEPING. It's ok though, I thought, because the kids never get up before 8am, and even then, it's a fight. I figured I'd show up and nap for a half hour, since I spent an hour in the middle of the night fighting with Memphis (who won, by the way, but that's a whole other story). But guess what? Both kids were up and dressed ON THEIR OWN by 7. It must be my lucky day.
Then Jessica, who is 8 and also obsessed with my romantic status, said, "My mom was married and had me by the time she was your age. Why don't you want to get married?" I've never wanted to punch an 8 year old more. "Did I say that Jessica?" I asked grimly.
"No."
"Then why are you asking me. Eat your breakfast."
"Well maybe when I have kids you can be their nanny too."
OH MY GOD.
The day continues with me being designated dumbass and having to watch SIX...yes, SIX...kids all afternoon. 4 five year old boys and 2 eight year old girls. It's like 1000 degrees here and I sat in the sweltering heat watching them swim for 4 hours...of course that was in between the fighting, crying, dropping pizza and wrestling it from the dog, baking MORE pizza, icing the fat lip Dylan got when his friend punched him for not sharing the water gun, and then trying to sort out who's Batman underwear were who's.
Actually, this all was about to make my head explode 2 hours ago, but now that I've had an ice cream sundae in my happy plastic monkey bowl I feel much better.
I'm going to put on my pj's, pop in a dvd, and enjoy the thunderstorms ;)
Monday, July 11, 2011
I had the best weekend hanging out with my awesome friends.
I am SO not ready for it to be Monday, lol.
Except...it's Harry Potter week! I'm a dork, I don't care, I am so excited for this movie to come out it's ridiculous. So, you all know where I am going to be leading up to midnight on Thursday night...at the theater, waiting with a bunch of other dorks...half of which will be dressed like Harry Potter characters.
I'm not going that far...unless you count my Ron Weasley t-shirt... ;)
I am SO not ready for it to be Monday, lol.
Except...it's Harry Potter week! I'm a dork, I don't care, I am so excited for this movie to come out it's ridiculous. So, you all know where I am going to be leading up to midnight on Thursday night...at the theater, waiting with a bunch of other dorks...half of which will be dressed like Harry Potter characters.
I'm not going that far...unless you count my Ron Weasley t-shirt... ;)
Sunday, July 10, 2011
And just like that...
Last night, I felt like Gru in "Despicable Me"...
"Lightbulb!"
I even wanted to say it out loud in that voice.
I spent the whole day with Ms. J...we had a delicious lunch at the Columbia Restaurant and even more delicious conversation that lasted until 11 last night! And literally, right before I was going to walk out the door, she said something so profound to me that it just clicked...
"OMG...Lightbulb!" And bam, I was better.
I talked to BGF on my way home and he even said, "It's nice to hear some sunshine back in your voice."
It's 10am...I'm doing all the stuff I've been slacking on and that does not include a 6 hour nap this afternoon, lol. I am going to hang with the boys today...BGF is going to do guy things to my car (like put air in my tires), I'm going to see the new 40inch monitor in the Jamnasium, we'll watch some tivoed episodes of Tosh.0, and have something super delicious for dinner.
So, Ms.K, Ms. J, BGF, BFF, thank you guys SO much for being the best friends a girl could ask for. Love you all!!
"Lightbulb!"
I even wanted to say it out loud in that voice.
I spent the whole day with Ms. J...we had a delicious lunch at the Columbia Restaurant and even more delicious conversation that lasted until 11 last night! And literally, right before I was going to walk out the door, she said something so profound to me that it just clicked...
"OMG...Lightbulb!" And bam, I was better.
I talked to BGF on my way home and he even said, "It's nice to hear some sunshine back in your voice."
It's 10am...I'm doing all the stuff I've been slacking on and that does not include a 6 hour nap this afternoon, lol. I am going to hang with the boys today...BGF is going to do guy things to my car (like put air in my tires), I'm going to see the new 40inch monitor in the Jamnasium, we'll watch some tivoed episodes of Tosh.0, and have something super delicious for dinner.
So, Ms.K, Ms. J, BGF, BFF, thank you guys SO much for being the best friends a girl could ask for. Love you all!!
Friday, July 8, 2011
Seriously...
If I wasn't convinced before...I am now more than ever sure that my life is, indeed, The Truman Show.
If I wasn't living it, I wouldn't believe it, lol.
Whoever is running the shows owes me 34 years worth of paychecks. I'm waiting.
If I wasn't living it, I wouldn't believe it, lol.
Whoever is running the shows owes me 34 years worth of paychecks. I'm waiting.
Am I THAT predictable?
BGF called me and said something along the lines of "You are in your room, in the dark, watching Harry Potter movies, wearing your Hang Loose shirt with Garfield and that dirty striped pillow case. You also haven't taken a shower today and you need to eat something. Get up and get ready to go the movies and get out of the house."
I asked him if he had a camera installed in my room. He laughed.
It's crazy and comforting to have a friend that knows you that well.
So, just for you, BGF...I took a shower, I ate some chocolate animal crackers, and I am going to the movies. I love you!
I asked him if he had a camera installed in my room. He laughed.
It's crazy and comforting to have a friend that knows you that well.
So, just for you, BGF...I took a shower, I ate some chocolate animal crackers, and I am going to the movies. I love you!
It drives me crazy when people do this, so I won't...
It drives me crazy when someone says, "Oh my God, I had the best/weirdest/craziest/fill in the adjective dream last night..." and then proceeds to spend 20 minutes filling me in on the details that include being in a house that was their house, but didn't look like their house...or I was in it, but it didn't look like me...and then my first grade teacher walked in...
I mean, don't get me wrong. If there is a point to your dream or you are trying to figure out what it means, I'm all for that. But if it's just to tell me a story with no plot or point, I will nod and smile like I'm listening, but I'm really not.
Now that I've gotten that out there...Oh my God, I had the 2 best dreams last night, lol. I mean really, they were like awesome mini-movies. I don't know if they had a point or plot that would amuse anyone but me...so I'll spare you. But I almost, almost woke up smiling.
Here's the one detail that was a big point of BOTH of the dreams...my cell phone was missing. In the first, I gave it to a hotel manager and he said he'd hold it in his office and then he left and no one would give it back to me.
In the second, I gave it to someone to take a picture with, and then he walked away and I didn't know where he went. And I sort of didn't care.
Interesting...
At any rate, I slept 12 hours straight with the help of 2 Advil pm. I'd probably still be sleeping now if I didn't have someone else's crisis to solve before 10am, lol. I have three whole empty days in front of me to fill up, filled with possibility. I might go see a movie with Ms. K tonight. Tomorrow, I have lunch plans with Ms. J, who I've known a week but feel like I've known forever. And as for the time in between...well...I'm going to keep moving forward, I'm going to be grateful for my friends, and I'm going to try not to give into the temptation to be afraid to live, to love, and to take chances. I'll let you know how that goes ;)
I mean, don't get me wrong. If there is a point to your dream or you are trying to figure out what it means, I'm all for that. But if it's just to tell me a story with no plot or point, I will nod and smile like I'm listening, but I'm really not.
Now that I've gotten that out there...Oh my God, I had the 2 best dreams last night, lol. I mean really, they were like awesome mini-movies. I don't know if they had a point or plot that would amuse anyone but me...so I'll spare you. But I almost, almost woke up smiling.
Here's the one detail that was a big point of BOTH of the dreams...my cell phone was missing. In the first, I gave it to a hotel manager and he said he'd hold it in his office and then he left and no one would give it back to me.
In the second, I gave it to someone to take a picture with, and then he walked away and I didn't know where he went. And I sort of didn't care.
Interesting...
At any rate, I slept 12 hours straight with the help of 2 Advil pm. I'd probably still be sleeping now if I didn't have someone else's crisis to solve before 10am, lol. I have three whole empty days in front of me to fill up, filled with possibility. I might go see a movie with Ms. K tonight. Tomorrow, I have lunch plans with Ms. J, who I've known a week but feel like I've known forever. And as for the time in between...well...I'm going to keep moving forward, I'm going to be grateful for my friends, and I'm going to try not to give into the temptation to be afraid to live, to love, and to take chances. I'll let you know how that goes ;)
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Well, at least I have a plan...
The lovely Ms. K took me to dinner at Benihana...a restaurant we save for special occassions. We made up our own special occassion for tonight, and I don't think hibachi scallops ever tasted so good. Ms. K is the happiest I've ever seen her. I've told her this before, but she's like the little sister I never had and I am so excited that things are falling into place in her life. Now, if she just follows my 2 most important pieces of big-sisterly-been-there-done-that advice:
- No regrets
-Watch the VS bill ;)
All the rest will fall into place.
As for me...I've got a plan. Don't get too excited...it isn't any life altering, mega-intelligent, she's finally gonna get off her ass and do something! plan...but, it's a plan nonetheless.
We are going to get dressed up. And we are going to get the girls together (and BGF...because like it or not, you count as one of the girls) and go to Rising Star Karaoke. I am going to drink 3 margaritas and then I'm going to take my meek little self up onto that stage and belt out some Carrie Underwood. Now you can get excited, because Ms. K is going to videotape it for us ;)
Understand that under no circumstances would I ever, ever submit myself to singing in front of ANYONE, let alone an audience of strangers, with a band and some backup singers. Also understand that I don't even like country music. But, yes, I am going to do it...because I can.
Hold on...why did this plan seem like such an awesome idea an hour ago? Oh yeah, because belting out that song in the car felt empowering when I am feeling most powerless. Naturally, it would feel 1000 times MORE EMPOWERING to do it on a grand scale, no?
So stay tuned...tequila and karaoke are on the horizon.
- No regrets
-Watch the VS bill ;)
All the rest will fall into place.
As for me...I've got a plan. Don't get too excited...it isn't any life altering, mega-intelligent, she's finally gonna get off her ass and do something! plan...but, it's a plan nonetheless.
We are going to get dressed up. And we are going to get the girls together (and BGF...because like it or not, you count as one of the girls) and go to Rising Star Karaoke. I am going to drink 3 margaritas and then I'm going to take my meek little self up onto that stage and belt out some Carrie Underwood. Now you can get excited, because Ms. K is going to videotape it for us ;)
Understand that under no circumstances would I ever, ever submit myself to singing in front of ANYONE, let alone an audience of strangers, with a band and some backup singers. Also understand that I don't even like country music. But, yes, I am going to do it...because I can.
Hold on...why did this plan seem like such an awesome idea an hour ago? Oh yeah, because belting out that song in the car felt empowering when I am feeling most powerless. Naturally, it would feel 1000 times MORE EMPOWERING to do it on a grand scale, no?
So stay tuned...tequila and karaoke are on the horizon.
And in totally unrelated news:
The Wine and Dine 1/2 marathon is almost full...I have to decide pretty much immediately if I want to run it this year.
Today I feel like Forrest Gump. I could just start and keep on running and running and running...but who knows how I am going to feel in October, lol.
I hate training but I love the race (I'm not going to run 13 miles to train if no one is going to hand me a medal and a muffin at the finish line ;)
The positive this year would be that a certain unwelcome house guest wouldn't be joining us and f-ing up the evening (or the whole week for that matter), the negative is that the finish line is a joke and it's only by the grace of God that I am not STILL looking for my family and friends in that unorganized mess.
Eh, I don't know. I'm not sure I'd ever subject myself to a full 26.2 again...but 13.1 is doable. Now I just have to come up with a new power song for my Ipod ;)
Today I feel like Forrest Gump. I could just start and keep on running and running and running...but who knows how I am going to feel in October, lol.
I hate training but I love the race (I'm not going to run 13 miles to train if no one is going to hand me a medal and a muffin at the finish line ;)
The positive this year would be that a certain unwelcome house guest wouldn't be joining us and f-ing up the evening (or the whole week for that matter), the negative is that the finish line is a joke and it's only by the grace of God that I am not STILL looking for my family and friends in that unorganized mess.
Eh, I don't know. I'm not sure I'd ever subject myself to a full 26.2 again...but 13.1 is doable. Now I just have to come up with a new power song for my Ipod ;)
You shouldn't have died.
19 years ago today: Mom, bro, Aunt Sybil, my friend and I were on a road trip...3 kids and 2 indulgent adults that were along for the ride of making one of our giddy kiddie dreams come true. Because that's who my family is...my parents, my aunts, my cousins...I know that these are the people I can count on, the people that will do anything for each other, and have.
Maybe that's part of the reason I have been feeling so, so bad. Aunt Sybil has been gone a year...and I miss her. And I'm mad at her. And I know that that's unfair and irrational, but I wasn't ready for her to die. None of us were. My mom needs her. Her sister needs her. My cousins need her. I need her.
Some of you know that right after she died, I read a story about angels and feathers...and how when a loved one dies, and they want to send you a sign, sometimes you'll find a feather and know it was from them. I latched onto that, and I have been collecting these damn feathers all year. Sometimes I take a picture of it and leave it as a sign for someone else. Sometimes, I tuck it in my purse and know she is trying to tell me that everything is going to be alright. At least, I thought she was. Now, I just don't know what I think or believe.
Today feels like a full circle. She was with me to begin something, and I guess maybe with me to end something. I felt like she was watching over me and smiling and I NEEDED to feel that, because it made everything in my life that didn't make sense make sense. She could solve any problem. Or maybe she just listened and it made it feel that way. I don't know.
What I do know is that I am driving everyone crazy...or I feel like I am. I know I can call my mom...but who does my mom call?
Maybe that's part of the reason I have been feeling so, so bad. Aunt Sybil has been gone a year...and I miss her. And I'm mad at her. And I know that that's unfair and irrational, but I wasn't ready for her to die. None of us were. My mom needs her. Her sister needs her. My cousins need her. I need her.
Some of you know that right after she died, I read a story about angels and feathers...and how when a loved one dies, and they want to send you a sign, sometimes you'll find a feather and know it was from them. I latched onto that, and I have been collecting these damn feathers all year. Sometimes I take a picture of it and leave it as a sign for someone else. Sometimes, I tuck it in my purse and know she is trying to tell me that everything is going to be alright. At least, I thought she was. Now, I just don't know what I think or believe.
Today feels like a full circle. She was with me to begin something, and I guess maybe with me to end something. I felt like she was watching over me and smiling and I NEEDED to feel that, because it made everything in my life that didn't make sense make sense. She could solve any problem. Or maybe she just listened and it made it feel that way. I don't know.
What I do know is that I am driving everyone crazy...or I feel like I am. I know I can call my mom...but who does my mom call?
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Dyl and I were watching the fish this afternoon, and he says, out of nowhere, "Jesus makes time go back and forth. Right now, he is making it go forth."
I looked at him and said, "Well, I really wish he'd make it go back."
"Why?'
"Well, I wish there were some things I could do differently."
"What things?" Dyl is an inquisitive little guy.
"Grown-up things."
"Well, if I had one wish, I would wish he would make it go back so you could do those things the other way. And also so I could play my DS some more." And of course, the emotional mess I am burst into tears and let him play his DS ;) I love that kid.
And that pretty much sums up the day.
First, no matter how much I deny it or act like its going to get better, I know it's not and I am going to have to have surgery on this eye again. And that sucks.
On top of that, you know that person that tries to make things better, but in their efforts only succeeds in making them worse? Yeah, that would be me. My heart is always in the right place, but damn, do I screw shit up.
And last but not least, I get home (late...go figure, its always when you are least equipped to deal with it) and Austin has somehow locked himself in the bathroom and is now traumatized (not to mention tired from the mess he made of my bathroom).
The only thing that has me holding it together is knowing tomorrow will be a 4 hour workday leading into a 3 day weekend. Step up, people...I need some more distraction.
I looked at him and said, "Well, I really wish he'd make it go back."
"Why?'
"Well, I wish there were some things I could do differently."
"What things?" Dyl is an inquisitive little guy.
"Grown-up things."
"Well, if I had one wish, I would wish he would make it go back so you could do those things the other way. And also so I could play my DS some more." And of course, the emotional mess I am burst into tears and let him play his DS ;) I love that kid.
And that pretty much sums up the day.
First, no matter how much I deny it or act like its going to get better, I know it's not and I am going to have to have surgery on this eye again. And that sucks.
On top of that, you know that person that tries to make things better, but in their efforts only succeeds in making them worse? Yeah, that would be me. My heart is always in the right place, but damn, do I screw shit up.
And last but not least, I get home (late...go figure, its always when you are least equipped to deal with it) and Austin has somehow locked himself in the bathroom and is now traumatized (not to mention tired from the mess he made of my bathroom).
The only thing that has me holding it together is knowing tomorrow will be a 4 hour workday leading into a 3 day weekend. Step up, people...I need some more distraction.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Surprise! I'm going to talk about something besides how crappy my life is!
Casey Anthony is not guilty, so says the jury.
And, wow, are people pissed. There's a baby that's never coming back, and you know what, none of us are ever going to know what happened to her. It doesn't even matter, does it? Because knowing isn't going to change the outcome.
Here's the thing...in America, you are innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. And if you or me was ever arrested for a crime we didn't commit, you can rest assured we would be banking on that very defense. Was there a ton of circumstancial evidence? Yes. Do I think she knows what happened? Yes. Do I think she had something to do with it? Yes. Does any of what we know prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that she did it? No.
She's guilty of being a liar. She's guilty of being a rotten mother. She's guilty of neglect, based on the fact that that little girl was gone for a month before she even admitted it, and even then it wasn't her that reported her missing.
I don't know how I feel about the whole thing. I do think that based on the facts and the evidence the jury did the right thing.
And, wow, are people pissed. There's a baby that's never coming back, and you know what, none of us are ever going to know what happened to her. It doesn't even matter, does it? Because knowing isn't going to change the outcome.
Here's the thing...in America, you are innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. And if you or me was ever arrested for a crime we didn't commit, you can rest assured we would be banking on that very defense. Was there a ton of circumstancial evidence? Yes. Do I think she knows what happened? Yes. Do I think she had something to do with it? Yes. Does any of what we know prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that she did it? No.
She's guilty of being a liar. She's guilty of being a rotten mother. She's guilty of neglect, based on the fact that that little girl was gone for a month before she even admitted it, and even then it wasn't her that reported her missing.
I don't know how I feel about the whole thing. I do think that based on the facts and the evidence the jury did the right thing.
Monday, July 4, 2011
In retrospect...
Going to Universal on 4th of July in 100* Orlando heat may not have been the best idea. But you know what? How lucky am I that I have a best friend that was willing to indulge me, even though I'm sure he didn't want to, just to get me out of the house? You are a good guy, BGF.
Now it's 4:15. I have a few things to do for work tomorrow...but I'll get to that later. First, I am going to take a nice, long, nap.
When I wake up, I am going to have a clear head, I'm going to make some dinner, I am going to put on a movie I love, I am going to finish my work junk, and I am going to get ready to have a postive week.
Now it's 4:15. I have a few things to do for work tomorrow...but I'll get to that later. First, I am going to take a nice, long, nap.
When I wake up, I am going to have a clear head, I'm going to make some dinner, I am going to put on a movie I love, I am going to finish my work junk, and I am going to get ready to have a postive week.
Meat-a-palooza
I went to a 4th party at BGF's house yesterday...and yes, I pretty much had to force myself to do it. I didn't feel like being social at all, but I know that if I start holing up in my dark room watching dark movies, I'm going to do it habitually until things brighten up...and we just don't know when that's going to be. So, I dusted myself off, baked a pretty cake, and went.
I'm glad I did.
First, we did, indeed, have a plethora of meats. I had ribs and brisket and pork tenderloin...and some of the best mac and cheese I've ever eaten.
I also met a friend of BGF's that's he's been telling me I'd get along with...and knowing me so well, he was right. I ended up spending most of the day (and night) talking to her...about life, and the past, and the present, and the issues men have. And you know what, she gave me a bit of the most to-the-point awesome advice I've received yet. I'm holding onto it, should it become imperative for me to draw on it...
At any rate, I'm sure I'll spend all week worrying...about where my money is going to come from for the 2 unpaid weeks my boss thinks she's giving me a favor by giving me off and hoping my eye doesn't require more surgery.
Besides that, I'm still awesome, and that's all that really counts ;)
So, Happy 4th of July. I'm celebrating by going to Universal with BGF and about 3 zillion tourists and breaking my own rule of going to theme parks on major holidays. I don't care. It's a sun shiny day. I have a pass. I'm going to go ride some rides, maybe scrape together $3 to buy a soft pretzel, and just enjoy the fact that even though it could be better, I guess it could be worse too. At least, that's how I feel right now, and that's a start.
I'm glad I did.
First, we did, indeed, have a plethora of meats. I had ribs and brisket and pork tenderloin...and some of the best mac and cheese I've ever eaten.
I also met a friend of BGF's that's he's been telling me I'd get along with...and knowing me so well, he was right. I ended up spending most of the day (and night) talking to her...about life, and the past, and the present, and the issues men have. And you know what, she gave me a bit of the most to-the-point awesome advice I've received yet. I'm holding onto it, should it become imperative for me to draw on it...
At any rate, I'm sure I'll spend all week worrying...about where my money is going to come from for the 2 unpaid weeks my boss thinks she's giving me a favor by giving me off and hoping my eye doesn't require more surgery.
Besides that, I'm still awesome, and that's all that really counts ;)
So, Happy 4th of July. I'm celebrating by going to Universal with BGF and about 3 zillion tourists and breaking my own rule of going to theme parks on major holidays. I don't care. It's a sun shiny day. I have a pass. I'm going to go ride some rides, maybe scrape together $3 to buy a soft pretzel, and just enjoy the fact that even though it could be better, I guess it could be worse too. At least, that's how I feel right now, and that's a start.
Friday, July 1, 2011
So I've tried to surround myself with friends this whole week and keep myself from sinking into a big, fat, black hole.
I went to the movies, I went and had a heart to heart with BGF's mom, I had company riding to camp to get the kids, I pretty much drank myself into a coma on Wednesday night (not really on purpose...T's just a bad influence with those GrandMa shots) and then spent the night at T & G's house where they took care of me, I've spent hours on the phone with BFF, my mom, anyone who would listen.
I'm at the point right now, where I don't know what I am. I still feel crappy from Wednesday night (bad, bad idea...) and everyone has all these things lined up for me to do this weekend so I stay busy but I don't think I want to do anything. I think I want to lay in bed with a case of Diet Coke and a bag of Baked Lays and watch Harry Potter movies. I don't want to be social. I don't want to be around people. I just want to sleep. I am never going to understand why I keep subjecting myself to this shit.
I went to the movies, I went and had a heart to heart with BGF's mom, I had company riding to camp to get the kids, I pretty much drank myself into a coma on Wednesday night (not really on purpose...T's just a bad influence with those GrandMa shots) and then spent the night at T & G's house where they took care of me, I've spent hours on the phone with BFF, my mom, anyone who would listen.
I'm at the point right now, where I don't know what I am. I still feel crappy from Wednesday night (bad, bad idea...) and everyone has all these things lined up for me to do this weekend so I stay busy but I don't think I want to do anything. I think I want to lay in bed with a case of Diet Coke and a bag of Baked Lays and watch Harry Potter movies. I don't want to be social. I don't want to be around people. I just want to sleep. I am never going to understand why I keep subjecting myself to this shit.
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