Sometimes you just have to smile. And right now, I'm smiling.
When I was little, when something got me excited, I would get so worked up that I would lose my breath. A very few times in my adult life that has happened...my mom still laughs about the first time I was in California when I was 18. Out hotel room had a view of the Hollywood sign, and when I called to tell her, I was so exicted I could hardly spit the words out.
Funny, it's California again that's making me so excited I can hardly breath... Either way, I can't wait until next week. So many things to do, people to see, excitement to be had.
And maybe this is why it's 20 after 2 in the morning and I'm as WIDE awake as I could possibly be...going on two nights now again, lol.
You know, it's ok though. If insomnia is the price I have to pay, bring it on...it's worth it.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Maybe not such an idiot...
I listened to the devil Fred, like I knew eventually I would...but the funny thing is, he might have been an angel in disguise ;)
Idiot...
You know those old Flintstone's cartoons...with the angel Fred on one shoulder, and the devil Fred on the other?
You ever have a moment like that, where you are faced with 2 choices, and you VERY CLEARLY know which is right, but you're pretty sure you are going to do the wrong one anyways?
I'm kind of feeling like that today. I know what I SHOULD do, and I don't like what I think I'm going to do...
You ever have a moment like that, where you are faced with 2 choices, and you VERY CLEARLY know which is right, but you're pretty sure you are going to do the wrong one anyways?
I'm kind of feeling like that today. I know what I SHOULD do, and I don't like what I think I'm going to do...
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Things that feel good...
I feel kind of like I have spent the majority of my adult life worrying.
About love.
About what's going to happen next.
About trust.
About money.
About blind faith.
About whether I was good enough, or thin enough, or pretty enough.
And the sad thing is, I remember being 13 or 14 years old and worrying about most of that same stuff. Of course it didn't help being a chubby adolescent with a flair for wearing a ponytail bouncing around on top of my head ( a teeny bopper ponytail, Christina used to call it, lol) and pink Natural Wonder lipstick.
I was just looking at some old photo albums and laughing at my blonde hair, and my red hair, and how I feel like I was always trying to be someone else...except you could always see a little bit of me sneaking through the facade.
What feels good is to FINALLY be at a place where you suddenly realize that maybe you don't have to worry so much. Love and tust and blind faith are things you just have to believe in. You just have to live it and not worry about it. You can't force love. You earn trust by simply being yourself and being a good person. You have to have that blind faith to believe in miracles and happily ever afters and a higher power.
You also can't spend every second worrying about what's going to happen next because then you are missing what's happening right now. And the fact of the matter is, if you have to be so concerned about what's to come, then you probably aren't on the right path anyways. It took a really long time for me to figure that out.
Maybe for the first time in my whole life I feel like I am on the right path. All those twists and turns and detours I took...they finally got me to the right location, and here I am. And I'm doing my very best to enjoy the ride, take each moment as the gift that it is, and have blind faith that my trust is not misplaced, and that love is growing.
About love.
About what's going to happen next.
About trust.
About money.
About blind faith.
About whether I was good enough, or thin enough, or pretty enough.
And the sad thing is, I remember being 13 or 14 years old and worrying about most of that same stuff. Of course it didn't help being a chubby adolescent with a flair for wearing a ponytail bouncing around on top of my head ( a teeny bopper ponytail, Christina used to call it, lol) and pink Natural Wonder lipstick.
I was just looking at some old photo albums and laughing at my blonde hair, and my red hair, and how I feel like I was always trying to be someone else...except you could always see a little bit of me sneaking through the facade.
What feels good is to FINALLY be at a place where you suddenly realize that maybe you don't have to worry so much. Love and tust and blind faith are things you just have to believe in. You just have to live it and not worry about it. You can't force love. You earn trust by simply being yourself and being a good person. You have to have that blind faith to believe in miracles and happily ever afters and a higher power.
You also can't spend every second worrying about what's going to happen next because then you are missing what's happening right now. And the fact of the matter is, if you have to be so concerned about what's to come, then you probably aren't on the right path anyways. It took a really long time for me to figure that out.
Maybe for the first time in my whole life I feel like I am on the right path. All those twists and turns and detours I took...they finally got me to the right location, and here I am. And I'm doing my very best to enjoy the ride, take each moment as the gift that it is, and have blind faith that my trust is not misplaced, and that love is growing.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Removing dead weight...
Random, but oh my God, how I want to delete a handful of people from my facebook and twitter...ex-FWB, I don't care about you, your posts, your band, or what anyone else thinks or says about you, lol. Too many mutual friends would ask questions though. So, here I'm sort of publicly throwing that out there. I wasted so much time on you and your stupidity already...I'm not wasting another minute, lol.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Sometimes I feel like I live a charmed life...
Yes, yes...I know I flip out sometimes, and worry needlessly. Don't we all sometimes, though?
I have amazing friends that accept my quirks, listen to my problems, laugh with me rather than at me (or laugh AT me good naturedly lol), love me for who I am, and have always been there for me unconditionally. I hope I have been that kind of friend back.
I have a family that, although drives me crazy sometimes, I am SO blessed to be a part of...and that includes all of my extended family. There is something amazing about people that you only see a few times a year, but that you know you can call for anything, anytime, if you need them. The last year especially, I feel like we have been that for each other.
I *might* have finally found that one person I will want to spend my life with...someone I pretty much gave up on ever showing up. Better late than never ;)
I have the greatest, most loving pups in the world, even if I am slightly biased.
And of top of that, this past weekend, SNL made a complete ass of ex-fwb. HAHAHA. I won't lie...I enjoyed it.
It's Monday, and I woke up with a smile on my face. I love you all!
I have amazing friends that accept my quirks, listen to my problems, laugh with me rather than at me (or laugh AT me good naturedly lol), love me for who I am, and have always been there for me unconditionally. I hope I have been that kind of friend back.
I have a family that, although drives me crazy sometimes, I am SO blessed to be a part of...and that includes all of my extended family. There is something amazing about people that you only see a few times a year, but that you know you can call for anything, anytime, if you need them. The last year especially, I feel like we have been that for each other.
I *might* have finally found that one person I will want to spend my life with...someone I pretty much gave up on ever showing up. Better late than never ;)
I have the greatest, most loving pups in the world, even if I am slightly biased.
And of top of that, this past weekend, SNL made a complete ass of ex-fwb. HAHAHA. I won't lie...I enjoyed it.
It's Monday, and I woke up with a smile on my face. I love you all!
Saturday, May 21, 2011
I talked to an old friend yesterday. I talk to him maybe once every 6 months or so and we catch up...but I wonder how good of an idea it is, even though we've been friends for like 20 years.
He will readily tell you that I am his 'one that got away'. Except I didn't get away because he never had me, and besides that, it was HIGH SCHOOL.
Apparently he ran into a girl he used to mess around with (also in HS) and she was getting pretty 'friendly' with him, for lack of a better term, despite the fact that he told her he was married 3 times. Part of me thinks he makes up drama to make his life more interesting, part of me just feels bad.
So at the end of this conversation, he says "There is a short list of girls that I would cheat on my wife with, and she's not on it."
Joking around, I asked, "Am I?"
"You are the list." he replied.
I understand unrequited love. It sucks ass. So, I hate that I am that person that broke his heart. On the other hand, I feel really bad for his wife, being that he will come right out and tell you he settled for her because he couldn't be with the person he really wanted to be with. How horrible is that? I think she really loves him. I think she really thinks he's great. I hope she never finds out that he's a closet douche.
I also feel really lucky that I was content enough with myself not to settle...the right person does come along.
He will readily tell you that I am his 'one that got away'. Except I didn't get away because he never had me, and besides that, it was HIGH SCHOOL.
Apparently he ran into a girl he used to mess around with (also in HS) and she was getting pretty 'friendly' with him, for lack of a better term, despite the fact that he told her he was married 3 times. Part of me thinks he makes up drama to make his life more interesting, part of me just feels bad.
So at the end of this conversation, he says "There is a short list of girls that I would cheat on my wife with, and she's not on it."
Joking around, I asked, "Am I?"
"You are the list." he replied.
I understand unrequited love. It sucks ass. So, I hate that I am that person that broke his heart. On the other hand, I feel really bad for his wife, being that he will come right out and tell you he settled for her because he couldn't be with the person he really wanted to be with. How horrible is that? I think she really loves him. I think she really thinks he's great. I hope she never finds out that he's a closet douche.
I also feel really lucky that I was content enough with myself not to settle...the right person does come along.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Well...it turned out to be the best weekend ever.
I learned a bunch of things this weekend... the most important of which begins with that I am no longer allowed to communicate with ANYONE in ANY WAY when I have PMS. Seriously. Was I a raging lunatic last week, or what? Please, someone be responsible for locking me in my room with no cell, computer, or ipad for a week every month. Thank you.
Now, let's see...I am alot more self-sufficient than I thought I was capable of being. I drove myself all over LA and Anaheim...I never got lost once...I even parallel parked a few times (badly and slowly, but still).
I also feel like I could easily adapt to living in Los Angeles, if that need ever arose. I loved the mountains, the views, everything. Most of all, I loved the people I was with.
I had a great time with the kids, seeing their faces at Disneyland. A was SO cute with the princesses...and even bro said if he was single, he'd hang out and talk to Tiana all day. I am beyond grateful to have been able to see A's face for that first meeting she will always remember. She is SO much like her Aunt ;)
And besides that, NDG was, in fact, even better than the first weekend we spent together, and it was hard to top that. I was an idiot to have been worried. I want to tell you everything, and then again, I want to keep it all to myself. All I know is that this elates me and scares me all at once. Breath.
Now, let's see...I am alot more self-sufficient than I thought I was capable of being. I drove myself all over LA and Anaheim...I never got lost once...I even parallel parked a few times (badly and slowly, but still).
I also feel like I could easily adapt to living in Los Angeles, if that need ever arose. I loved the mountains, the views, everything. Most of all, I loved the people I was with.
I had a great time with the kids, seeing their faces at Disneyland. A was SO cute with the princesses...and even bro said if he was single, he'd hang out and talk to Tiana all day. I am beyond grateful to have been able to see A's face for that first meeting she will always remember. She is SO much like her Aunt ;)
And besides that, NDG was, in fact, even better than the first weekend we spent together, and it was hard to top that. I was an idiot to have been worried. I want to tell you everything, and then again, I want to keep it all to myself. All I know is that this elates me and scares me all at once. Breath.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Well...wish me luck.
Heading to the airport shortly.
This is either going to be the best weekend ever...or the worst.
This is either going to be the best weekend ever...or the worst.
Girls and Packing
So, I'm packing for Los Angeles last night, and BGF says "Don't check any luggage if you don't mind..."
Well, we are going to LA for 3 days. Clearly, I don't need to check luggage for a 3 day trip, right? Except for men don't understand how hard it is to be a woman and travel.
First of all, I know I'm going to Disneyland. And that's it. Beyond that, I have no idea what or where I am going to end up. Obviously, I can't wear what I'd wear to run around Disneyland to a club or to dinner. Not the same shoes, not even the same purse.
And on top of that, there are just some outfits you own that only look good once in a while. Like, a certain fitted dress is not going to work after a Disney character buffet, lol. Depending on your mood, you might think you arms look toned and want to wear a tank top, but the next day you might think they look jiggly and want to wear three layers to cover them.
Being that my hair sucks, I also need the straightener. And make-up.
And seriously, there are even different lingerie choices for different occassions.
Because I am used to this insane packing ritual, at this point I have 2 pairs of jeans, 2 skirts, 2 or 3 dresses, about 10 tops, pjs, 4 different bras, about 20 pairs of panties, a pair of black heals, a pair of boots, a pair of flip flops, 2 purses, presents for my niece and nephew, and the hair straightener in my carry on...and it can STILL close without me sitting on it (so far). Unfortunately, I still have make-up, the Ipad, the Ipod, the camera...but with a little creativity I think I can do it.
Well, we are going to LA for 3 days. Clearly, I don't need to check luggage for a 3 day trip, right? Except for men don't understand how hard it is to be a woman and travel.
First of all, I know I'm going to Disneyland. And that's it. Beyond that, I have no idea what or where I am going to end up. Obviously, I can't wear what I'd wear to run around Disneyland to a club or to dinner. Not the same shoes, not even the same purse.
And on top of that, there are just some outfits you own that only look good once in a while. Like, a certain fitted dress is not going to work after a Disney character buffet, lol. Depending on your mood, you might think you arms look toned and want to wear a tank top, but the next day you might think they look jiggly and want to wear three layers to cover them.
Being that my hair sucks, I also need the straightener. And make-up.
And seriously, there are even different lingerie choices for different occassions.
Because I am used to this insane packing ritual, at this point I have 2 pairs of jeans, 2 skirts, 2 or 3 dresses, about 10 tops, pjs, 4 different bras, about 20 pairs of panties, a pair of black heals, a pair of boots, a pair of flip flops, 2 purses, presents for my niece and nephew, and the hair straightener in my carry on...and it can STILL close without me sitting on it (so far). Unfortunately, I still have make-up, the Ipad, the Ipod, the camera...but with a little creativity I think I can do it.
Friday, May 13, 2011
LastFM - Damn it...
So, BGF put the LastFM app on my Ipad. If you don't know what it is, you basically put in an artist you like and then it creates a customized station for you, playing songs by that artist and related artists.
If you like a song, you can click on a heart icon, so it adds it to your playlist. If you don't, you can remove it.
Randomly just now, I googled the username I use for everything...mostly to make sure this blog didn't pop up as associated with me ;) What did I find? My LastFM profile...which I didn't even realize existed. It lists all the songs you have listened to and added to your playlist. I wouldn't admit to liking 95% of the songs that I added.
As a matter of fact, it even says the last song I 'loved' was "Humpin' Around" by Bobby Brown. Really? Do you think I want anyone to know that not only did I listen to that song, but I 'loved' it?
Now, I have to figure out how to make it private, LOL.
If you like a song, you can click on a heart icon, so it adds it to your playlist. If you don't, you can remove it.
Randomly just now, I googled the username I use for everything...mostly to make sure this blog didn't pop up as associated with me ;) What did I find? My LastFM profile...which I didn't even realize existed. It lists all the songs you have listened to and added to your playlist. I wouldn't admit to liking 95% of the songs that I added.
As a matter of fact, it even says the last song I 'loved' was "Humpin' Around" by Bobby Brown. Really? Do you think I want anyone to know that not only did I listen to that song, but I 'loved' it?
Now, I have to figure out how to make it private, LOL.
When do I get to make the rules?
The more I think about it, the more I realize that all of my adult relationships...and I use the term 'relationships' lightly...have been played by someone else's rules. Not mutual rules, not even a compromise of both of our rules...but HIS rules.
And that's my fault, because I am passive, and I am a people pleaser, especially if you are a 'people' that I care about. I make excuses, I turn the other cheek, I trust too much and too easily, and I am about as naive as they come. So I am trying to figure out, now that I want to do something the absolute right way, how I get my rules acrossed without looking like a needy bitch.
And really, I am not a needy bitch. I don't NEED to know where you are at all times or who you are with or when you are coming home. I don't NEED to text you 386 times a day or call you 386 times a day or poke you every time I log into facebook. I don't NEED to be with you 24/7. I don't care that you have to work or want to go out with your friends or do whatever it is that you need or want to do to make you happy. Because that's all I want too.
What I DO need is that if you DO text me everyday and ask how my day is or tell me to have a good day and then you suddenly and inexplicably stop, you are prepared for me thinking something is wrong.
What I DO need is that if I am there for you every time you are upset or hurt or sick in any way that I can be, that when I am upset or hurt or sick, you are there for me in the same way.
I guess what I want is for you to treat me like I mean as much to you as you do to me...because that's how it should be, right? If it isn't, then that clearly would mean you're with the wrong person, right?
I don't think it's asking too much...but I have no idea how to assert it.
Maybe it IS asking too much after all.
And that's my fault, because I am passive, and I am a people pleaser, especially if you are a 'people' that I care about. I make excuses, I turn the other cheek, I trust too much and too easily, and I am about as naive as they come. So I am trying to figure out, now that I want to do something the absolute right way, how I get my rules acrossed without looking like a needy bitch.
And really, I am not a needy bitch. I don't NEED to know where you are at all times or who you are with or when you are coming home. I don't NEED to text you 386 times a day or call you 386 times a day or poke you every time I log into facebook. I don't NEED to be with you 24/7. I don't care that you have to work or want to go out with your friends or do whatever it is that you need or want to do to make you happy. Because that's all I want too.
What I DO need is that if you DO text me everyday and ask how my day is or tell me to have a good day and then you suddenly and inexplicably stop, you are prepared for me thinking something is wrong.
What I DO need is that if I am there for you every time you are upset or hurt or sick in any way that I can be, that when I am upset or hurt or sick, you are there for me in the same way.
I guess what I want is for you to treat me like I mean as much to you as you do to me...because that's how it should be, right? If it isn't, then that clearly would mean you're with the wrong person, right?
I don't think it's asking too much...but I have no idea how to assert it.
Maybe it IS asking too much after all.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Do you blame me...or welcome to my spaz attack?
So, just as a reference point of where I'm coming from...that last ex-fwb was a musician. He had a band and had me running promo for it. I put more time and effort into trying to promote this band (that by the way, really didn't do anything to help itself along) than I did into just about anything else for 2 years. I NEVER asked for anything in return...seriously. And if you are my friend, and you are reading this, I bet a million dollars that I either talked you into buying his cd, liking his band on facebook, and/or telling all your other friends to do it, too.
One day we were talking and he tells me that if I can move 1000 cds, he will give me, and I quote "whatever you want."
"Anything?" I asked.
"Anything."
Well, this left things wide open, didn't it? I don't really have much nice jewelry, but then, I don't really wear too much jewelry. A car? A trip? Marriage, kids, and a picket fence? I mean, anything I want?
And do you know what my stupid ass asked for?
An ice cream sundae. I'm not even kidding. I just wanted some ice cream. I wanted him to take me to the Dairy Queen or make me a sundae with some rainbow sprinkles and hershey syrup.
It doesn't take much to make me happy.
And so, the agreement was made...and damn it, if I didn't uphold my end of the bargain. I called my friends, I emailed my family, I ordered a bunch of cd's myself to use as prizes in promo contests. I promoted the shit out of that cd all over facebook and twitter. And before long, I had moved those 1000 cds and probably then some.
"When do I get my ice cream? I sold the cds."
"Soon." "After the World Cup is over." "When I get back in town."
I have been waiting over a year now, and not only did I not get the ice cream, I don't even want it anymore...not from him, anyways.
Do you blame me for being skeptical of each and every man that crosses my path? How can I help it.
So, of course, in typical girl fashion, I have a spaz attack yesterday. I'm going to LA this weekend to go to Disneyland with my niece and nephew...and bonus, new dream guy lives in LA too. So, I'm super excited about this spontaneous trip all the way around. And I call him to tell him, but he doesn't answer. And I text him my news...and he still doesn't answer. And slowly...slowly...I start to freak. Should I have not even told him I was going? Should I not even have agreed to ever go out with him in the first place, thus saving myself the future heartache I am sure must be on the horizon? Do I just have a bad case of PMS? Does anyone have a shot of tequila?
In general, I'm a pretty intelligent woman...at least I like to think so. But when it comes to relationships, I am currently at the "do you like me, check yes or no" stage of things.
This mixture of euphoria and terror sucks.
One day we were talking and he tells me that if I can move 1000 cds, he will give me, and I quote "whatever you want."
"Anything?" I asked.
"Anything."
Well, this left things wide open, didn't it? I don't really have much nice jewelry, but then, I don't really wear too much jewelry. A car? A trip? Marriage, kids, and a picket fence? I mean, anything I want?
And do you know what my stupid ass asked for?
An ice cream sundae. I'm not even kidding. I just wanted some ice cream. I wanted him to take me to the Dairy Queen or make me a sundae with some rainbow sprinkles and hershey syrup.
It doesn't take much to make me happy.
And so, the agreement was made...and damn it, if I didn't uphold my end of the bargain. I called my friends, I emailed my family, I ordered a bunch of cd's myself to use as prizes in promo contests. I promoted the shit out of that cd all over facebook and twitter. And before long, I had moved those 1000 cds and probably then some.
"When do I get my ice cream? I sold the cds."
"Soon." "After the World Cup is over." "When I get back in town."
I have been waiting over a year now, and not only did I not get the ice cream, I don't even want it anymore...not from him, anyways.
Do you blame me for being skeptical of each and every man that crosses my path? How can I help it.
So, of course, in typical girl fashion, I have a spaz attack yesterday. I'm going to LA this weekend to go to Disneyland with my niece and nephew...and bonus, new dream guy lives in LA too. So, I'm super excited about this spontaneous trip all the way around. And I call him to tell him, but he doesn't answer. And I text him my news...and he still doesn't answer. And slowly...slowly...I start to freak. Should I have not even told him I was going? Should I not even have agreed to ever go out with him in the first place, thus saving myself the future heartache I am sure must be on the horizon? Do I just have a bad case of PMS? Does anyone have a shot of tequila?
In general, I'm a pretty intelligent woman...at least I like to think so. But when it comes to relationships, I am currently at the "do you like me, check yes or no" stage of things.
This mixture of euphoria and terror sucks.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Further proving my point...
My ex-let's call him ex-friend-with-benefits, is apparently getting bored with his girlfriend du jour. I know this because suddenly he's once again taken up calling me on skype at odd hours requesting me to turn on my webcam or watch his...and my ignoring said requests has obviously not given him the hint.
This morning I get "5 min".
To which I respond, "?"
And he tells me I have 5 minutes to get in the shower...he'll wait.
Really? Thanks for that. Thanks for the opportunity to help you cheat on your girlfriend that gushes about how amazing you are on her facebook statuses (I know this, because yes, I have checked her out...I'm a girl, what do you want from me?)
To further prove just what a careless jerk he is, I tell him I'm busy...I've finally started a blog and I'm messing around with it.
Part of me wants him to ask for the link, so he can see just how much more I had to offer than what he was interested in...but I knew he wouldn't lol.
He said "awesome...I'm done waiting, I'll be back"
Please don't hurry on my account...ditching you and your shenanigans 8 months ago was the best move I ever made ;)
This morning I get "5 min".
To which I respond, "?"
And he tells me I have 5 minutes to get in the shower...he'll wait.
Really? Thanks for that. Thanks for the opportunity to help you cheat on your girlfriend that gushes about how amazing you are on her facebook statuses (I know this, because yes, I have checked her out...I'm a girl, what do you want from me?)
To further prove just what a careless jerk he is, I tell him I'm busy...I've finally started a blog and I'm messing around with it.
Part of me wants him to ask for the link, so he can see just how much more I had to offer than what he was interested in...but I knew he wouldn't lol.
He said "awesome...I'm done waiting, I'll be back"
Please don't hurry on my account...ditching you and your shenanigans 8 months ago was the best move I ever made ;)
Here we go...and thanks to Christina for the blog title...
So, I was googling 'cheap online psychics' at 3am. You already know that no good can come from this. But, still, I find Dominique and enter my credit card info and 5 minutes later I'm talking to this British woman with a fuzzy connection.
"What's your question?" she asks.
"Well, I met this guy..." which is probably how 90% of Dominique's calls begin. And here's the thing. Dominique is going to tell me what I want to hear, because if I didn't care if the relationship had potential then I wouldn't even be wasting my $1.99 a minute to ask her, would I? She asks me my birthday, his birthday...and then tells me our charts show that the realtionship has potential but there are "issues" we need to work through. Wow, she's amazing. It's just what I wanted to hear...and it's also the fucking description of every single relationship in the universe. Still, this helps me sleep at 3am (did I mention I have had insomnia for 3 weeks).
Of course, when I wake up this morning, I'm back to where I was at 3am...and that's pissed off. I am MAD that I met someone awesome for a couple of reasons. First, I wasn't even LOOKING for someone. I was happily having amazing fwb sex with a guy 10 years younger than me, which was doing wonders for my ego, if not my raging desire to settle down. Second, if every time you bite into a chocolate it's got coconut in it, you begin to assume that every chocolate is going to be filled with coconut. That's how I feel about guys. If every time I figuritively bite into one, he's a douche, then after awhile I am going to assume that they all are.
But the absolute worst part is, he isn't a douche. He's awesome. He took me out. He opened doors. He paid attention to things I said. He texted me first, or he responded when I texted. I keep telling myself not to listen to that little voice telling me he's too good to be true.
We'll see, Dominique...we'll see.
"What's your question?" she asks.
"Well, I met this guy..." which is probably how 90% of Dominique's calls begin. And here's the thing. Dominique is going to tell me what I want to hear, because if I didn't care if the relationship had potential then I wouldn't even be wasting my $1.99 a minute to ask her, would I? She asks me my birthday, his birthday...and then tells me our charts show that the realtionship has potential but there are "issues" we need to work through. Wow, she's amazing. It's just what I wanted to hear...and it's also the fucking description of every single relationship in the universe. Still, this helps me sleep at 3am (did I mention I have had insomnia for 3 weeks).
Of course, when I wake up this morning, I'm back to where I was at 3am...and that's pissed off. I am MAD that I met someone awesome for a couple of reasons. First, I wasn't even LOOKING for someone. I was happily having amazing fwb sex with a guy 10 years younger than me, which was doing wonders for my ego, if not my raging desire to settle down. Second, if every time you bite into a chocolate it's got coconut in it, you begin to assume that every chocolate is going to be filled with coconut. That's how I feel about guys. If every time I figuritively bite into one, he's a douche, then after awhile I am going to assume that they all are.
But the absolute worst part is, he isn't a douche. He's awesome. He took me out. He opened doors. He paid attention to things I said. He texted me first, or he responded when I texted. I keep telling myself not to listen to that little voice telling me he's too good to be true.
We'll see, Dominique...we'll see.
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