You know, this summer was fucking amazing. I mean that. I was the best summer I have ever had in my life on every level. If I could live the rest of my life like the last three months, I would be happy forever.
But, obviously, real life doesn't work that way.
I went back to work after almost a month off. It's fine. It isn't good; it isn't bad. It just is. I think I was hoping that after some time off and some fun and clearing my head, that I would go back there and love being a nanny again. I don't. I was hoping that I would be content and that I would not instantly be longing to do something-ANYTHING-besides what I am doing.
A week ago I thought I was even happy and content here, in Florida, with my friends and my life...but you know, that's just a facade too.
It's funny when you make the decision to start removing people from your life. It's almost dangerous. Because as hard as it is to make that first move, to rid yourself of people that are no good for you...once you make it, it's SO liberating. It feels SO good to not have to deal with drama and worry and stupidity. It almost feels SO good that you wonder about everyone in your life. You wonder how many strikes are enough to say enough. One? Ten? When does self-preservation become something else...something darker? When you start to feel let down by people you trust and then you get to the point that you have to question trusting anybody.
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