I do...but how do I do it?

For as long as I can remember, I would make lists of names I wanted to name my future children. I would fantasize about how I would decorate their future baby nurseries. I would imagine what cute little outfit I would bring them home from the hospital in. I want babies. I have ALWAYS wanted babies.

Of course, there is, in most cases, the matter of getting married before you get to the babies part. I know I want a big, beautiful dress. And that's about as far as I ever got on wedding ideas, since my last engagement was, well, a fiasco of epic proportion...with everyone and their monkey's uncle putting in their 2 cents until what I wanted was pushed so far down the list that I forgot what it was.

With the last longest relationship I had...I pretty much figured that if it ever got to the marriage point, we were eloping, for 1000 reasons, each of which outweighed any good reason not to.

And now, here I am again, with weddings on my mind, since I am pretty sure one is looming in the not to distant future. And here's the thing...I just don't have a fucking idea what I want. I know that Stewart does not want a circus. Neither do I. I also know that if I told him that wedding cakes can cost in the thousands of dollars, not to mention every other petty ridiculous cost, his head would very likely explode. When we talked about how much weddings can cost, I think his exact response was along the lines of, "We could buy a boat for that much money..." So, the circus is out.

But that leaves alot of questions to be answered when the time comes. I'd rather do nothing than do something half ass...I'd rather elope than deal with the drama that is sure to ensue over who to invite and who not to invite, and how much things cost, and what to serve at the reception (we aren't even engaged yet and my mom has already vetoed my initial idea).

We are in our 30's...we are only intending to do this once, and it is very important to me that we do it right. But by that I mean, right in the way that is right for US...not everyone else. Part of me really, really hopes that we get lucky enough to do this a little backwards, with a baby on board before we get into this nonsense...it would solve alot of problems. We would have an excuse to do it, and do it fast ;)