Testing...testing...1...2...3

It's one of those things. Like the day you decided you are on a diet, you wake up and find a tray of chocolate chip cookies on your counter. You don't know where it came from. You don't even care. You just know that no cookie ever looked as good, and you can't think of any moment in your life when you wanted ANYTHING more than you want one of those cookies. And then, you are forced to decide. Do you really want that cookie? Do you want to blow that diet before you even got it off the ground? Is that one stupid cookie worth it?

Here I am, in the middle of one of those tests. I am staring down at an orange blinking Skype notification as I type this. It's the FIFTH (yes, 5th) such notification I've received since 11:30 last night. Ex-FWB is back in full force.

In the cookie analogy I mentioned how good the cookie looked and how you wanted that cookie more than anything. So let me be clear before I continue...he does NOT look as good as that cookie, and I do NOT want him more than anything. I've had him before. I'd rather have a cookie. That being said, I am a people pleaser. While I am NOT finding it impossible to not sleep wtih him or mess around with him in any way, I AM finding it impossible not to talk to him. And not because I necessarily want to, but because I feel compelled to. He's talking to me...it would be rude if I didn't respond, right? He was a part, and a big part, of my life for coming up on 13 years now. Some people's marriages don't last that long, lol. And that being said, there have been times...many times...in the past that I've thought I was done with him only to be sucked back in.

How can I help but find it ironic that it is when I am in the beginning of a potentially amazing new relationship that he decides how much he misses me? It's a test. It has to be. He has been the benchmark that I have measured every single man against for the past 13 years. And I could be with him right now if I wanted to.

So...what's it going to be?

I could go take a shower and drive 3 minutes and be in his bed...and I'd spend the morning having sex that was adequate at best, watching the Flintstone's and if I was lucky, washing it all down with a frosty glass of Kool-Aid. (No, I'm not kidding. I'm dead serious down to the Kool-Aid)

OR

I can make myself some bacon and eggs and eat it while thumbing through all the Thanksgiving cookbooks I've pulled from my collection in anticipation of Stewart coming down for the holiday. I can wait for him to wake up and text me good morning and make me smile because maybe for the first time, I'm the first thing someone thought about in the morning. I can think about how he told me he was going to rent some Harry Potter movies when I'm there next week because he's "gotta keep his girl happy". I can wait for Jamie to message me that she's heard from her potential new Prince Charming....but I digress ;)

It's both amazing and amusing to me how God throws these life curveballs at you. This time though, I'm pretty sure this is one test I am going to pass. The Skype notification is STILL blinking. I think I'm going to leave it that way...